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"J'ecris pour me decouvrir."- a French writer

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Sorry.... I'm Not Sorry Anymore

Well, it is the letter I have always wanted to write and never had the chance to. For years, I thought that I speak too much, made myself too clear and said it all. Well, I sometimes do. I have a big mouth, but no one, including myself, know exactly what's on my mind.

For a long while, I have underestimated myself. I talk too much about what I want, what I dream about to the extent that one of my ex friends called me "selfish". But, with all this blah blah non stop self-propaganda, I have underestimated myself. Maybe, everyone was able to see the real capable me. Maybe, I have been blinded by all those things I have wanted and not capable of doing or achieving till I lost track of what I am really able to do.

This little confidence and poor self esteem has made me think that I am not good enough for many people, while they were not daring or even sure enough to hold on to me. For months or even years, I thought that I owed loads of people an apology while they really were not worth me looking back to them.

This time, I am writing to take back any "Sorry" I have ever said to many people and on many incidents. To my dear ex friend who let go of me that easily without asking why I left, I am not sorry anymore. For my dear friend who has been watching me for a while without even trying to ask "How are you doing?" or "Why did you leave?", I just want to tell you that while I was thinking that I was such a lousy person for drifting apart, you were just not that keen on our past friendship and turned up to be lousier than I was.

Goodbye my dear ex-friend.... and sorry, this time I am not Sorry anymore.

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