Shopping with Mama

Mom is a very beautiful lady whom I adore, not just because she is my mom. But the woman is so sweet and kind, maybe too kind in some cases, but one of those few things that really drive me crazy is going shopping with her. Seriously, it is one of those experiences I try my best to avoid.

For me, shopping is more of a mission than a spree. When I need something, I decide on the places where I can get it, make the quick visit, spot the target (the stuff I want), try it on if necessary, pay for it and go home. Roaming around malls, staring at window screens and checking out goods just for joy or curiosity are a big faux pas for me. It is not that I am too busy to do so, but I find what most girls do when they go shopping is very tiring and a waste of time indeed. Like when I go out with some of my friends to help them find something, I end up feeling dizzy with feet killing me as if I have been in a crazy marathon.

Today was the weekend with no work to do and feeling too lazy to do any chores, so why not go out? Mall seems like the only option, as we always need stuff (Mom and I). So we headed toward it right away, while I was not very enthusiastic about it as I know exactly what is awaiting me. No lists of course, nothing specifically we have on mind, all we got was the intention of buying something. What was it? I had no idea.

Once we got there, the mall was okay not too crowded as usual, which was very encouraging to finish our "mission" before all of those zillions of people march in as they do every weekend as if the mall is the new zoo. I believe that mom was not on the same page. She was wearing high heels, which is a good excuse for the slow pace. And there was sale too. Yea, it wasn't my day, I know. Shopping with mom is very much like going to Disney Land with a child. Everything looks nice, colorful and flashy. She would look at every window screen, check out all of the stuff in every store, tell me to try something on, ask for prices and buy NOTHING. She does not want to buy anything. That is when I lose it, saying "Why did we even come here if you don't need anything?" Then I would feel guilty right away with her innocent eyes looking at me blankly making me feel that I am a bitch of some sort.

This is the usual scenario with her being herself and behaving like a normal woman (I guess my lack of passion for shopping insults my femininity after all, just kidding) and me behaving as if I am going to miss a flight. Maybe she was like me when she was my age. Maybe it has to do with growing old and believing that rush is useless. Maybe it has to do with her desire to enjoy every single second of life even the most trivial details of it.

Mom, whatever you do... I still love you.

Je T'aime

I am not in the mood lately for writing anything that I can consider of value. Thus, I believe that music, songs and lyrics speak louder than random words. Listen to this epic song, "Je T'aime" by Lara Fabian.

I am not in love, but just listening to the song and hearing Lara singing like that for her beloved makes me believe that true love is possible and makes me long for that strong instinct to give without any need to wait for anything in return. Hope you enjoyed the song :)

كلمات

يُسمعني حينَ يراقصُني  كلماتٍ ليست كالكلمات  يأخذني من تحتِ ذراعي  يزرعني في إحدى الغيمات  والمطرُ الأسودُ في عيني  يتساقطُ زخاتٍ زخات  يحملني معهُ يحملني  لمساءٍ ورديِ الشُرفات  وأنا كالطفلةِ في يدهِ  كالريشةِ تحملها النسمات  يحملُ لي سبعةَ أقمارٍ  بيديهِ وحُزمةَ أغنيات  يهديني شمساً يهديني  صيفاً وقطيعَ سنونوَّات  يخبرني أني تحفتهُ  وأساوي آلافَ النجمات  و بأني كنزٌ وبأني  أجملُ ما شاهدَ من لوحات  يروي أشياءَ تدوخني  تنسيني المرقصَ والخطوات  كلماتٍ تقلبُ تاريخي  تجعلني امرأةً في لحظات  يبني لي قصراً من وهمٍ  لا أسكنُ فيهِ سوى لحظات  وأعودُ أعودُ لطاولتي  لا شيءَ معي إلا كلمات

This song always brings back sweet memories and the lyrics take me to another realm of wonders and fantasies.

The Ultimate Dream

For setting the mood, I would play some Dido songs. There is something about her music that makes me feel that I am somewhere else away from the whole busy materialistic world. Her voice just takes me on a subtle tour to some serene place where everyone is wearing light sheer clothing, moving their bodies shamelessly feeling cheerful and carefree.

Sounds like my perfect gateway! That is what I really want. A place, a deserted island sounds fine, with nothing but the sea, sand and some trees. I will not miss those I love as they will always be on my mind, I guess. A CD player with some of my favorite CDs, good books and I won the lottery indeed.

As for the one, bear with me. My dream is still on. I can visualize a small fishing boat, with the following song in the background by Bobby Darin singing:

Somewhere beyond the sea...
Somewhere waiting for me...
My lover stands on golden sand..
And watch the ships that go sailing

Then he lays his eyes on me through his  binoculars and he knows from sure that I am his princess.

Sounds silly, I know, but only in dreams you can be as silly as ever.

سطور أعجبتني

"لو بطلنا نحلم.... نموت": محمد منير

"الحزن سرطان الروح. وأنت كنت العلاج الكيماوي. تقتل السرطان وتقضي على الكثير من الحياة معه. وأنا قررت التوقف عن تناولك ومقاومة سرطاني بنفسي. لقد أكلت من روحي أكثر مما أكل السرطان بكثير.": نرمين نزار من مدونة إسكندرية بيروت

 Shakespeare :"Love is not love which alter, when it alteration finds." 

To Be Continued.....

Will You Marry Me?

Just a tough thought, you need to bear with me. What if we turn things around and girls can actually propose to guys? I am not talking about dating or expressing emotions, I am talking about PROPOSAL. Yes, marriage proposal.

Just think of it this way, we, girls, seem to be fond of intriguing mysteries and tormenting ourselves with making assumptions and hypothesis. So, why can't we cut long stories short. If a girl likes a certain person (obviously a male) and they start talking, knowing each other in a better way and they end up hanging out for a while without him saying anything whatsoever about his feelings or where that obvious thing going on is heading after a while, is it possible for a girl to pop the question?

I wonder what would really happen. Would a guy think that she is too clingy or bold? So what? I have male acquaintances, whether they are family, casual friends or colleagues and they all know for sure, and even mock, our "indirect" gestures and hints of girls' desire to get married. So they know what is going on inside our minds, and they play fool, while we are playing dumb in the first place. Sounds like Tom & Jerry series for me.

Then, can we all sum things up and save ourselves the trouble of being in a constant hunting process? Can we, girls, behave in a straightforward manner for even once and speak up our minds and say what is going on and what is always roaming inside our heads?

Let us try for once and see what might happen. Well, if you do it and the guy responds well, then good for you. If he thinks that you are too bold just for speaking up your mind, then to hell with him, honey. You have saved yourself a lot of time. If you scare him off, then it is also good for you. That type usually does not want any kind of responsibility.

Give it a try and good luck!

سيبها بظروفها

A nice song with good lyrics:

أحبني لتعرف من أنا

مجموعة قصصية تحت عنوان "أحبني لتعرف من أنا" بقلم لبنى غانم وإيناس حليم صادر عن دار المصري للنشر والتوزيع، للأسف لسة مقرتش الكتاب، إنما بالصدفة لقيت مجموعة الكتاب على الفيس بوك، العنوان جذب انتباهي جداً حسيت إنه عنوان حالم ورقيق وفيه شئ من الحقيقة.

"ياللي ظلمتوا الحب وقلته وعدته عليه" صوت أم كلثوم بيداعب أذني في الوقت الحالي وأنا بفكر في عنوان المجموعة القصصية دي، يعني دايماً نقول إن الحب أعمى ومراية الحب عميا والكلام ده كله، بس غير إن الحب من أسمى وأرق القيم الموجودة في حياتنا وبتخلينا نعيش، مش بس عشان بنحس إن إحنا مرغوبين ومش بس عشان بنحس إن في شخص قريب لينا، بس برضه عشان لما بنحب ولما بيكون حد بيحبنا، بنقدر نعرف أشياء كتير حلوة عن نفسنا وغيرنا بيعرف الأشياء دي عننا.

يعني مثلاً لو شخص عصبي ومكشر على طول ومضغوط من الحياة وكتوم، أكيد في مرحلة من حياته حيلاقي الحد اللي يعرف يخترق الغيامة دي، حد يعرف يفك طلاسم الشخصية الجامدة ويكون معاه مفتاحها. لما تحب حد، حسب اعتقادي عشان ممكن جداً أكون غلط، حتعرف ايه الحاجات الحلوة اللي فيه وهو برضه حيعرف حاجة كويسة عن نفسه. وبرضه لو حد بيحبك حيعرف كويس إنت مين، بعيد عن كل الرتوش اللي بنرسمها لشخصياتنا وبعيد عن كل المظاهر اللي الظروف ساعات كتير بتجبرنا إننا نتلون بيها، فالحب بيضعف المناعة وبيخلي الإنسان قريب من حقيقته الطبيعية، وأكيد لو حد بيحبك حيعرف ايه الكويس اللي فيك ومهما الناس شافتك من زاوية معينة، هو حيشوفك من الزاوية الصح، مش عارفة لو كلامي معقول أو لأ، بس هو ده اللي أنا شايفاه، صح أو غلط، الوقت هو اللي حيحكم.

عنوان جميل لمجموعة قصصية أتمنى إن يكون عندي الوقت إني أقراها،

سلام

A Birthday Queen

Yes, I am making a big deal of my birthday. But, give me a break! I am just trying to cling onto any cheerful opportunity or event to feel happy or get any glimpse of love.

On Monday, I was at work and told my colleagues that I will bring them Cannelloni, my specialty dish. They very much welcomed the idea and a friend said that she would bring some deserts too. I went home, stayed in the kitchen for almost 3 hours preparing the dish, but I was enjoying every second of it. On any other day, I would have felt exhausted, but I wanted this birthday to be different. I wanted to show people love, hoping that I might get more in return. Signed, sealed and the dish was about to be delivered to the hungry tasters.

So, Tuesday was the big day. I wore my favorite outfit, took some make up tools to office preparing myself for any after-work hangout with friends. I was a bit self conscious with almost everyone in street staring at me. Really, it was strange. I believe that my mojo was working that day ;) Walking down the street, I felt like Barbara Streisand in Funny Girl singing "Don't Rain on My Parade".

To cut a long story short, it was a magical day like I have never imagined. My friends brought in foods and most importantly their good spirits. It was like a feast with everyone cheering, laughing and singing for me. It was a true delight my lovely friends. I love each one of you. And for the after work party, it was warm and nice.

Thanks guys for making up my day and giving me hope that this year will be full of love and happiness.

Lotsa luv,
Noha
xoxox

The Infamous Big 22

A few days from now, I will be celebrating my 23rd birthday. Just not in the mood for any kind of celebrations. Wishes? If I have any, it would be me hoping that the upcoming year will be much more serene and happier as well. A year had passed by with loads of stress and heartbreaks. So, enough with the sorrows!

Happy birthday to me in advance!

And It's Called My Other "Half"

It's been the mating season this summer. Friends and family getting engaged or married. No big deal, I know. It is something that I have noticed recently with all my female friends getting recently engaged or those who got themselves in relationships. Whenever they find their other so-called significant "half", I feel that my friends are totally transformed.

It is not a single case. Hell no! It is the new plague or something like that spreading in no time among infatuated girls and only girls. Men are different. They do not get so absorbed in their relationships. To some extent, they keep on their individuality. Maybe it has to do with their own view of a relationship. I believe that men are not like women who think that finding the one is so important to the extent that most girls nowadays think of marriage, for example as a life or death situation that has to happen sooner or later. Men are not raised like that, especially in my society. I envy men in here. They are programmed to live first of all for themselves. They get their education, start their career and accomplish loads of successes, then comes marriage and commitment. "Here is a nice girl, am I ready?'a guy would ask himself. But when it comes to girls, it is the other way around. A normal woman would say whenever she meets a guy, "I am ready. Is he a nice guy?"

See? Here is the whole issue. We, women, are always ready and hanging "I am on the market" sign. Maybe it has to do with our nature as females needing passion and care, but it definitively has to do with the way many of us are brought up. How many parents raised a girl to live for herself first? How many times have you heard a girl saying "I will finish school then travel abroad to finish my studies," without mentioning the soul mate to-be as one of her top priorities. We are not used to loving ourselves. It is a shame, right?

You may disagree with me and it is your right. But what I see now of women losing their identities and becoming a distorted versions of their past souls and their current partners' mindsets, is very sad. I wish that one day, I would meet a friend of mine who has been in a relationship and who would still be the girl I knew a while ago. i wish that one day when I log into Facebook, I would see girls posting stuff that would speak for them not posts that their fiancees, husbands and boyfriends. I wish we, women, could learn for once how to love ourselves and learn that it's okay for once to keep our "resigning" individuality.

A Life-changing Discovery

Yesterday, I have realized that I have been wasting so long of my life and it's time to move forward.

I have been consumed too much and tangled in a stupid mirage that kept my eyes away from the sweet reality I shall be living.

One more thing, I have discovered that I truly underestimate myself.

Bottom Line: I deserve way better than this :)

The One

"Somebody somewhere is thinking of you," I always try to remember this phrase whenever I get a loneliness trauma or think like any girl of my other half. That topic did not bother me much when I was younger. I can recall very well my college days, when I did not even have a make up set. I just had two pairs of jeans with a couple of tops and my clumsy pair of sneakers that I always put on. I used to save my polished looks just for my hangouts with friends, which were not frequent.

Boys were not even on my list of priorities. Whenever I heard of someone getting engaged or married, just a simple "Congratulations!" without bothering myself with insignificant details that are not of my business anyway. Yea, maybe when I ran into someone nice, I would think of the whole marriage and relationship thing, but when it came to features and my idea of my Prince Charming, I had absolutely no idea of what I wanted. "A nice guy who loves me," was my blunt answer back then.

So, what happened? I graduated and had to go through real life. To my surprise, I found many girls obsessed with the marriage idea, and people here and there talking about their past and current relationships, all the tricks to get someone entangled in your web of charms...,etc. For 2 years up till now, I have been listening to the same talks over and over again. "Did you know that Mariam got a Make Up artist on her wedding night for 2000 LE?" "Have a look at those engagement photos... Oh, I love the dress." "When will I get married? Why am I still single till now?" are some lines that I hear frequently to the extent that I have started to think and talk in the same manner.

By time I have realized that marriage has lost its sacred meaning of "happily ever after". Love is, for many people if not most of them, is one of the last priorities. Handsome, well-off with a good career path and a descendant of a good family are the common trending reasons why a man can be considered a good suitor. A friend who is married now told me once that when her husband told her back then that he was into her, she just said okay as she was too embarrassed to turn him down, then all of a sudden she discovered that she became "in love" with that poor guy.

When I asked another girlfriend of mine about whether or not she is in love with her fiancee, she shocked me saying, "I am 25 ya Noha, if I don't get married now, I will lose my chances to find someone else." I know that those two examples are extreme, and I also know that there are still many people who get married out of healthy reasons. But the sick notions and the superficial views are trending now.

Mom believes that my generation should not be intimidated by the whole marriage idea and fear that if it does not happen, our lives would come to an end. She thinks that we, girls, are now well-educated with loads of good opportunities ahead of us. She has a point, but what I see now is the absolute opposite.

Is it the way we were raised? Or is it a genuine innate urge inside each girl that makes her dream of that prince charming and that glamorous serene life to start on her own with her "significant" half? If so, then why not get married for the right reason instead of dying to get a ring on our index?

Egypt... Reflections

As a young girl, I have always thought that life in Egypt demands a lot of struggling and effort just to survive and have a well-off life. A couple of weeks ago, I met up with some friends and till then I realized that life here, in Egypt, can be absolutely tiresome and imposes on its citizens continuous confusion and dilemma.

We started talking haphazardly trying to catch up. Some of them have just graduated and others, like me, have been in the Egyptian job market for a while and know well how boring and frustrating finding a job could be. Jobs, post graduate studies, marriages, relationships and of course politics were some juicy topics that were a source of curiosity for most of us, that we even forgot all about why we met in the first place.

One of my friends "M", a Pharmacy graduate, who has been working as a Sales representative at a multinational pharmaceutical company for a year up till now and who also have been active in the Civil Society in Alexandria has been telling us about his achievements so far and rambling like any of us about life and other random stuff. You can tell just by looking at a guy like him belonging to the Middle class that he must be struggling like many others who are through the same conditions without good connections that would help him find a decent job and without family's money or inheritance that would support him when trying to start off a new life on his own. If you are a foreigner (non-Arab), all of what I said would not sound bizarre to you. Young people living independently away from their families and figuring out what they want in life on their own and also determining how to achieve their goals without anyone's help, all sound very mundane in any non-Arab country.

However, this has not been always the case in the Arab region. Some, who have always criticized the youth's life style in the region, would claim that this is a good change believing that this is a sort of incentive for young people to grow up out of the small circles of dependence upon family and friends. True! But, is this the case in  Egypt, a country where almost everything is a challenge starting with getting a proper education that is supposed to equip people with the adequate skills and knowledge needed for the job market?

Is this possible in a country where corruption has been prevailing for years and poverty is too widespread? I do believe that anything is possible, but when looking at things from a young person's perspective, why take the hard way? Why stay in a place so stifling with obstacles where there is always an easy way out represented by gateways to more prosperous countries where job opportunities are available and for bigger salaries? "Citizenship", "Sense of belonging" and many other noble terms could be a strong motive for Egyptians to stay in their beloved homeland and work for their own and for their country's benefit.

 "M" was talking to us about his intention to leave Egypt and work in any country in the Gulf region. "Typical," I thought to myself when he uttered that sentence. However and to my greatest surprise, a friend of ours told me that he had just turned down a lucrative opportunity in Dubai for a big salary. When I asked about the reason, he told me that he wanted to get done with a project he's been working on. The nature of the project was the source of astonishment for me. It was a non-for-profit project. In other words, "M" was holding a volunteering position. So why on earth would he turn down a good opportunity? Yes, it was his commitment to the project which he truly believed in. I listened to the idea of the project and it was pretty good, but still not that juicy. The point is "M" believes in something and is trying very hard to make a change around him.

Like my friend did, once he found something that he truly believes in, he decided to stay no matter how much it is going to cost him. Socioeconomic or even political problems are not our issue in Egypt. I believe that we need to find something that urges us to stay and become partners in that little world of ours.

We, Egyptian Women

Egyptian women are a victim of that society that has defined the welfare of any woman by having an official relationship with a member of the opposite sex. No matter how unhealthy such a relationship could be, it does not matter. You are not a successful woman till you are married and it is your fault that you are a woman who, according to that dysfunctional society, is still a dependent baby that needs to be validated by a man.

المؤامرة....2

ولسة بتفرج على ليبيا على الجزيرة مباشر، والليبين داخلين باب العزيزية وعمالة أقول لنفسي "يا ترى دي الكاميرا الخفية برضه، وحيطلعوا بعد كام يوم يقولوا دي مكانتش العزيزية! وبرضة أرجع لنظرية المؤامرة وأقول "يا ترى النهاردة فعلاً الليبيين أخدوا حريتهم ولا نقدر نقول ليلة سقوط ليبيا؟"

نرجع للموضوع الأساسي وهو نظرية المؤامرة وعدم ثقة المصريين والعرب عموماً في أمريكا والغرب وسياساتهم. بما إني خريجة مدارس لغات وطول عمري كنت بتكلم الإنجليزية والفرنسية واقرأ الآداب الغربية طول حياتي وبتكلم إنجليزي أحسن من العربي، ففكرة عدم الثقة في الغرب دي كانت شبه مستبعدة تماماً بالنسبة لي لحد تخرجي من الكلية، مش بسبب شعوري بالانتماء للثقافة الغربية على حساب هويتي العربية أو مصريتي، بس عشان مكنتش بتصور إن الغرب شغله الشاغل هو التحكم فينا أو السيطرة علينا، كان كل تفكيري إن الغرب أكيد مشغول بنجاحاته ومستقبله.

تفكير ساذج شوية؟ يمكن!

كنت لسة بسأل صديقتي العربية وبنتكلم عن نظرية المؤامرة دي واللي بيتقال كل يوم في البلاد العربية وبقولها "يا ترى فعلاً أمريكا ممكن تكون بالذكاء ده؟ هل ممكن أنهم يتحكموا فينا بالشكل ده من غير ما نشعر؟" ردت بكل ثقة "طبعاً" وبعدين ضربت لي كام مثال مش من السياسة أو التاريخ بس من الواقع الحياتي لينا بيؤكد الكلام دة أننا فعلاً بيتم التحكم فينا بشكل سهل جداً.

مرة بعد تخرجي على طول من الكلية، عرفت إن المركز الأمريكي عامل معرض لبعض الجامعات الأمريكية لطرح بعض المنح الدراسية للطلاب والخريجين المصريين، تحمست جداً ورحت وكان المعرض زحمة جداً وكله شباب وبنات وبيتسابقوا عشان ياخدوا ملصقات أو إعلانات مطبوعة عن الجامعات اللي مانت تقريباً من نوع الدرجة التالتة اللي محدش بيسمع عنها، وكان فيه كليات كتيرة جداً وبما إني دارسة آداب وعشقي للفنون واللغات والترجمة بيخليني مركزة اهتماماتي على الفروع دي، وكذا مرة أحاول اسأل على فرص برة مصر (تقدر تقول عقدة خواجة أو عدم رضا بمستوى التعليم في المؤسسات المصرية)، وبما إني كنت في المعرض ده سألت على الفروع المتاحة والغريب إن كل الدراسات كانت في الصيدلة والهندسة بكل فروعها.

ساعتها افتكرت المنح اللي بيقدمها المركز البريطاني في مصر كل سنة وبيحط شروط كتيرة تضمن إن المتقدمين يستحقوا فعلاً المنح، وكل سنةالدراسات المتاحة مش تختلف كتير عن السنة اللي قبلها، ولو الواحد زي حالاتي دماغه في الحاجات اللي مش بتأكل عيش، يبقى يخليه مركز أحسن في الجامعات المصرية أو يدفع تكاليف الدراسة على حسابه حتى ولو كان متفوق ويستحق فعلاً المنحة.

يوم لما كنت في المركز الأمريكي كنت متضايقة جداً أولاً لأني حسيت بتفاهة الدراسة بتاعتي وثانياً لأني حسيت إني ذنبي إني مصرية أعيش في دولة أتعسها الحظ لتكون دولة من دول العالم التالت وأصبح من المقدر ليها إنها تكون تحت رحمة دولة "كبرى" زي أمريكا تاريخها مش كبير بالعكس هي حديثة جداً ومقدرش أعتبرها حضارة من الأساس، فهي دولة جنت ثمار التطورات التكنولوجية بتفكرني بالمدن الجديدة أو القرى السياحية في الساحل الشمالي، شكلها حلو ومبنية على أحدث طراز ولكن منقدرش نعتبرها مدينة سكنية. المهم حسيت فعلاً بالذل وقلت لنفسي "اللي بيقدم منح ده، ايه هدفه يحدد دراسات معينة ويحاول يفرضها بشكل غير مباشر على اللي عايزين يحصلوا عليها؟"

دلوقتي بس أقدر أقول إني عرفت الإجابة، مش بدافع نظرية المؤامرة لكن هي دي فعلاً، من وجهة نظري، إن السياسات الاستعمارية للدول الكبرى ونظامها الاقتصادي الرأسمالي بيأثر سواء عجبنا أو لأ على كل جوانب الحياة بما فيها العلاقات الخارجية مع الشعوب اللي مصر والدول الفقيرة منها.

بمعنى إن لو أمريكا بتصرف فلوس وبتساعدنا فأكيد ليها مصلحة من كل ده، هما مش فاتحينها جمعية خيرية. كل شئ بحساب وبغرض.

وللأسف الأمثلة اللي بتخليني فعلاً مصدقة إن للمصريين حق في تخوفهم من الغرب وخاصة أمريكا بصرف النظر عن مدى سخافة الروايات اللي مش عارفين لحد دلوقتي مدى صحتها، هي أمثلة كتيرة جداً حبقى أكملها بعدين...

المؤامرة....1

ولتاني مرة بكتب بالعربي، أسهل وبأكون على طبيعتي.

من كام يوم سمعت رواية غريبة، إن اللي احنا فيه ده كله تمثيلية، قصدي الثورة ومحاكمة مبارك والتغيير ده كله تمثيلية. واللي قاللي الرواية دي كان شبه متأكد من الكلام اللي بيقوله لأنه أخدها من المصدر الأساسي وجه قاللي الكلام بالحرف. البك صاحب الرواية بيقول شايف إن مبارك حيطلع براءة، وحيعيش بفلوسه ويغيظ الشعب المصري كله وبدل ما احنا اللي نموت مبارك بالعار اللي هو فيه، هو اللي حيقضي علينا بالإحباط. وبيقول كمان إن الجيش متواطئ بدليل إن مبارك مهربش وكأنه مطمن من اللي بيحصل، وطبعاً ده كله من تخطيط أس البلاوي أمريكا.

أنا سمعت الحدوتة دي من هنا وجاتلي حالة هيستيرية، ابتدت بالضحك، قلت لنفسي "معقولة الكلام ده؟ يعني احنا كلنا نطلع غلط وعمرو مصطفى هو اللي بيفهم فينا كلنا؟" وبعدين لما هديت وقعدت أفكر وأمزمز في الكلام اللي بيفكرني بفيلم هابط، قلت طب لو الرواية صح، ايه حيحصل؟ آه حنشوف أيام سودة إن شاء الله، لأن اللي حييجي بعد مبارك حيورينا النجوم في عز الظهر والمصريين نفسهم حينكسروا ومش حنقدر نصدق أي حاجة تانية، لأننا حنحس إن كل حاجة حوالينا هي مجرد كذبة كبيرة، بالعامية حنحس إننا مضروبين على قفانا.

ولو الرواية غلط، وأتمنى فعلاً إنها تكون كدة، ده برضه يخلينا نشغل عقولنا ونشوف مصدر الكلام دة وسبب نشره للرواية الغريبة دي، آه نسيت أقول لكم إن الأخ الفاضل اللي قال الكلام ده كان واحد تقيل قوي في الحكومة اللي فاتت وطبعاً الثورة مش جاية على مزاجه ولا مصالحه، فممكن جداً إنه بيقول الكلام ده عشان نحس بالإحباط أو نفقد الثقة في التغيير اللي كان وراه الشعب المصري بفئاته المختلفة، وممكن جداً يكون الكلام ده منتشر بين الناس عشان المصريين ماشيين بنظام "اللي يتلسع من الشوربة ينفخ في الزبادي"، لو الحكاية كدة يبقى ده ذنب الحكام اللي فاتوا والفساد اللي كان في كل حتة ومنتشر لدرجة خلت الناس معندهاش ثقة في أي حد ولا أي حاجة.

المصيبة الأكبر(آه في مصيبة أولانية اللي هي الرواية الغريبة سواء كانت صح أو غلط) إن في ناس برة مصر ومن دول عربية بتقول نفس الحكاية عن مصر وعن الدول التانية....

ونكمل بكرة مع نظرية المؤامرة

الساقية

أول مرة أحس فعلاً إني عايزة أكتب بالعربي، يمكن من كتر الخنقة وحالة القرف اللي وصلت ليها واللي مش قادرة استحملها أكتر من كدة.

النهاردة سألت نفسي، "احنا عايشين ليه؟" "ليه بنتعب نفسنا ونشتغل ونجري على لقمة العيش وساعات نتصارع عليها؟" "طيب ليه لما بيجيلنا رزق بنفضل نبص للي في إيد غيرنا ومنحمدش ربنا عليه؟ أو ليه ساعات كل ما بيزيد اللي في إيدنا بيزيد معاه طمعنا وضعفنا قدام كل حاجة مش صح؟ وليه متشعلقين في كلمة "الرفاهية" أو "الرقي" أو غيرها من الكلام الفارغ اللي بنضحك بيه على نفسنا ونحاول نقتنع إن ده فعلاً الصح وإن الحياة ملهاش طعم غير لما يكون عندي كل اللي بحلم بيه أو أكتر شوية؟"

أسئلة كتيرة وإجابات صعبة. امبارح والنهاردة كانوا يومين مش معقولين، امبارح كنت بتمشى في شوارع إسكندرية القديمة (محطة الرمل والمنشية) وشفت الناس وهي بتجر عيالها في الشوارع عشان يجيبولهم هدوم العيد، نفس النظرة الغريبة اللي مليانة فرحة بالعيال وفرحتهم ومليانة برضه يأس من الظروف الهباب والفقر والأسعار اللي عمالة تغلى كل يوم حتى بعد الثورة والناس عمالة تسأل نفسها (بكرة حنعيش إزاي ونعيّش عيالنا؟)

النهاردة، كانت المفارقة غريبة شوية، رحت بقى إسكندرية الجديدة اللي هي الداون تاون وكارفور والأماكن الحلوة اللي كل حاجة فيه مختلفة، متحسش فيها إنك في مصر. ممكن تحس إنك في الخليج أو أوروبا، السلع على كل لون وأسعار غالية نار، بس المرة دي الناس معندهاش مانع إنها تدفع أسعار خيالية عشان تجيب شنطة لوي فيتون ولا ساعة رولكس. مجتمع بتقاس فيه البنت من نوع "بنت الناس" اللي بتلبس شيك وبتجيب لبسها من تركيا وإنجلترا وبتحط ماكياج من أغلى الأنواع وعطور من أحلى ما يكون، مجتمع بتقاس فيه البيوت المحترمة بنوع السجاد المفروش فيه وإذا كان إيراني ولا لأ، وإذا كان الكريستال بوهيمي ولا مضروب، مجتمع الناس بتعمل مغمضة عن قيم جميلة أهلنا الكبار كانوا بيتكلموا عنها وبقينا نسمعها زي ما بنسمع أي حكاية حلوة بنتشوق لها وبعدين ننساها، قيم زي الحب والأخلاق الفاضلة والتقاليد اللي أنا لسة شايفة إنها مش متخلفة، مجتمع بقت كل حاجة فيه مزيفة، مجتمع بتقاس فيه الزيجات الناجحة بمكان إقامة الفرح والعفش اتجاب منين والعروسة لابسة فستان جايباه من عند مين والعريس بيقبض كام.

المفارقة العجيبة بين امبارح والنهاردة، طلعت منها باستنتاج واحد إننا شعب مطحون، أيوة مطحون سواء كان فقير أو غني، هو لسة مطحون، الفقير بيدور على لقمة عيش عشان ربنا يكرمه بعيشة أحسن ويطلعه من الظروف الهباب، والغني برضه بيتصارع مع غيره عشان الفلوس اللي في جيوبه تزيد، وبدل الشقة يجيب فيلا وبدل العربية يجيب 4 ويصيف برة مصر عشان مظاهر اجتماعية تافهة ملهاش أساس، احنا اللي بدعناها عشان نترسم على بعض وعشان نقنع بعض إن في طبقية وإني أحسن من غيري، وإن في غيري أحسن مني لازم أبقى زيه عشان أحس بمتعة الحياة.

قلت لنفسي طب ايه يا نهى أسيب الدنيا دي وأعيش لوحدي واستريح من كل الصراعات دي وأطلع من الساقية اللي حطيت نفسي فيها أو اتجريت ليها، فكرت الناس حتقول ايه. حيقولوا "معقدة" أو بلغة فصيحة "عدوة مجتمع" أي مجتمع منافق يقبل بكل اللي بيحصل ده، ظروف اجتماعية في الحضيض، قضايا سياسية مبهمة ومستقبل غامض بحس ساعات إنه تمثيلية واحنا بنتحرك فيها زي العرايس.

احنا بقينا زي الثور في الساقية، مغميين عينينا وماشين بنلف حوالين نفسنا ومش داريين بحاجة، وفاكرين إن العالم بتاعنا ده آخر حاجة في الدنيا ومش عايزين نشيل الغيمة اللي على عينينا ونشوف الدنيا الحلوة اللي ربنا خلقها عشان نستمتع بيها، بس احنا بكل سذاجة سيبنا الحياة المرتاحة والمرضية ومشينا ورا "الرفاهية" اللي وديتنا في داهية وخليتنا عايشين في الظل.

All of a Sudden, I decide to Slam the Door...

She has never imagined how life would be without him. At some point, she could not even tell if she was in love with him or in love with the whole idea. A little bit of romance, phone calls late at night, instant fights early in the morning over trivial stuff, dreams to be fulfilled... she thought of it all while gazing out of the window watching sunset. "Love is nothing but infatuation," she thought at once while remembering those early stages of being totally charmed and enchanted.

Was she the same person back then? She guessed not. Floating like a cloud, or was it like a soap bubble made out of nothing, attractive as it always looks, yet so quick and blows up in no time?

Yes, it was an illusion and she was too weak to realize that so quickly. As the bubble vanished, she was back to reality. She was back to her senses. What was left? Nothing. Absolutely, nothing.

Her dreams? There were not any. Her life companion to-be was much smarter, but did not have the guts to say it out loud. As most men do, they fear loss. He did fear loss. Every time he thought of the chance of losing her, he was going crazy. How boring a life could be for a man without arms holding him so tight whenever he needs one! Guilty as he sometimes felt, he unconsciously revealed the truth before her eyes.

"And I took the bait.." she said with a smile of absolute relief mixed up with a sense of bitterness. "I was a man enough to slam the door and save what was left of my soul..," she said it out loud, then took no time to see where the territories would take her on that lonesome evening.

A Fate Resigned

I still remember that day when I first watched "You Know I'm No Good" for Amy Winehouse. At that time, I was just a young Egyptian girl who, like many Egyptians, know almost nothing about jazz. That day, I fell in love with the beats, the clip, jazz and of course that tattooed bold singer.

I had bad internet connections bad then. I did not know much about YouTube. I had just to wait all day long for airing her song. I can still remember the rush that I felt whenever I saw her video on the TV. Bold lyrics, great video with an unusual idea, great voice and lovely beats. By time, she got somewhat popular in Egypt. More songs were aired on TV and radio channels. Her music were excessively used in commercials and promos. The more I listened to her work, the more I fell in love with that phenomenon called "Amy Winehouse".

When I became more tech-savvy with access to the internet, I have searched for more for Amy. Like many others, I had to know about her problems and addiction. I felt sorry for that little girl; however, I never stopped admiring her. Even with all the stupid parodies, ridicule and massive media attention, I only saw that brilliant artist who, like other idols throughout history, had to deal with life's mischief in her own way.

I read the news of her death on Facebook and I could not believe myself. I actually wept while trying to comprehend what happened. I have never wept over a celebrity's death before, but I did that time. Not only I fell in love with her art once, she opened my eyes to that magical world of jazz. Whenever I listen to any of her songs, I can actually feel that her lyrics portray the ordeals any woman can ever face in that trivial world.

She was the one who said it loud "Love is a Losing Game." She had balls and stood up and sang "Rehab" while facing her own addiction dilemma for which she had been ridiculed and attacked till the end of her unforgettable life. She was the one who coyly tried to seek eternal love, when she sang "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" Many other songs with amazing lyrics that sold millions of albums and captivated people's hearts for years when Amy did not release something new.

I wept when I saw all those sorrowful posts, letters and articles over her death. The woman is loved and she knew very little of that. While she was suffering of her own personal issues, people were competing to put her life through a lens, judge her, parody that fragile human being and call her a "drunk bitch".

I wept when I thought that that poor late lady saw all of that. The world gave up on her. It did not leave her alone. It did not help her survive. The world just behaved like an angry bully pushing constantly on her buttons.

RIP Amy Winehouse (A Fate Resigned)

What I Love, Defines Me 1

Back to frequent writings on my dearest blog. I sometimes believe that this blog is my best friend. I write whatever I want and nobody cares. It does not frustrate me, but it makes me feel that there is a place for me where I can be alone. With all of those links, ads, posts, photos and people everywhere and out of no where, nobody gives a damn about what that silly girl (me, of course) writes or says.

Well, I have been thinking of all of those very short bios, people write about themselves everywhere nowadays, like Twitter. It really amazes me the amount of creativity that pops out from ordinary people and not even celebrities. It is very tricky, you know. You have always to choose the right words to define you and catch people's eyes and make them think, "Mmm, interesting!" Apart from people's innate constant desire to get noticed and admired, I am actually impressed by how far people would normally go to polish themselves in front of the world.

You would find people saying funny stuff, a nice witty quote or an incessant series of megalomaniac phrases. It is very much like those signatures people use when writing emails. People work too much on labeling themselves instead of doing any actual work.

While I was roaming once on Twitter looking for interesting people to follow, a certain phrase actually caught my eyes. It was a journalist, as far as I remember, who gave a brief intro about what she does for a living following it with "What I do, does not define me!" I read this and she got me right away with that single last phrase. I thought to myself "Mmmm, interesting! and clicked the follow button right away.

That was a long time ago when I read that phrase, but it just crossed my mind today. I was thinking of those philosophical rhetorical questions that bore anyone including myself, but today, maybe I was bored already and decided to bore myself more for the sake of that total dam boredom I am experiencing. I thought about what defined me, how I perceive myself...., and you know the rest. Only then, I kept on saying "What Defines Me?" You can jot down a whole list of those things which do NOT define you. It is pretty easy to do so, but when it comes to figuring out the thing(s) which defines you, you might get lost.

Ahaa, I got it finally. "What I Love, Defines Me." Yes, I am fully convinced of that, and it is not the sentimental me who always talks silly Utopian stuff.

I am so sleepy now, I think I gotta go sleep my dearest blog.

To Be Continued....

It Said it All....

When asked why it was over after a turbulent period full of ups and downs, that little woman replied, "Well, when we thought of our future home, he wanted to have it modernly furnished, while I, on the other hand, wanted it to look like an English cozy house as those big houses you read about in 18th century English novels."

Firstly, I have to admit, I did not know what she exactly meant when she uttered that sentence that seemed to be full of some kind of complex allegory that my simple mind could not digest. Surprisingly, she knew that I could not get what she said. Her innocent face was filled with a huge smile that told me that she knew that I was at a loss. Generous as she is, she went on right away to explain furthermore what she meant without making me take the embarrassing trouble to ask her for clarification.

"After a while, there was not that spark that made us fall in love anymore," she said. "We were very good friends at the beginning, and then we had that crazy idea that the two of us would rock the world as a couple. Maybe, the two of us were just desperate for a relationship. Maybe, the two of us loved the idea of being together more than we loved each other. We ended up having a wrecked relationship and a wrecked life. I guess, after all, we are not that mature to keep on that delicate yet precious thing, called relationship that we had and that we truly enjoyed," she ended that sentence with tearful eyes. That is when, I decided to act courteously, like she always did, and keep quiet for a while.

Till the end of the night, we said nothing. We just gazed at that turbulent sea, that kept on seducing us with its magical tide. At some point, we are tempted and want to take our clothes off and get a glimpse of that sparkling refreshing water, and enjoy being infatuated with the whole experience, but when we think it over, we remember that that beautiful sea might take us into undesirable consequences.

We looked at the sea, tempted as we were, we fought that burning desire. We looked at each other, smiled and said nothing. As if we were reading each other's mind, we decided to call the night off. We got on our feet, which seemed not to function very well after a long sit down. We did not know what was going on inside the mind of each of us, but down deep inside, we were determined to get back to that shore and enjoy the zest of that waters, but we also knew that we would be back when we are ready to withstand the unexpected consequences. 

Confessions 1

I have created my own world with the spirit of a child, where everything seems big and fantastic. Human beings, those gigantic creatures, do not upset me with their clumsy follies. On the contrary, they make me wonder, question everything around me and make me feel that there are many things I need to learn.

By time, I have realized that keeping the child inside me helps me in this cruel coarse world. I spend my days with eyes wide open. I pass through the same streets every day, and every time I discover something new not because something new pops up on each new day, but because that childish perspective helps me discover constantly something that others seem to miss.

When I recall my childhood, it seems like a realm of dreams that are incessant, colorful and magical. Everybody was smiling and cheerful back then. No matter what I do, someone would hold me tenderly and say everything is going to be okay. Someone would wipe my tears when they start dropping on my soft cheeks. They will speak to me calmly in a tender tone as not to hurt my feelings. I miss those days. That is why I wanted to keep that memory alive.

I have wanted my life to be colorful, interesting and magical. But, I have realized that if I want to keep that child spirit, people have lost their innocence. I have realized that when I cry, no one would wipe my tears. When I make a mistake, no one would hold me closely and tell me that things are going to be fine. Unfortunately, I have realized….

To Be Continued…

A Truce

I just cannot believe that I had all of those incidents and met all of those people in one single year or even less. Yea, being active is good, but my life is getting to be chaotic. "No" has a wonderful effect. Thus, I guess I will try it more often.

I do not need any new relationships. I don't need extra work. I am good the way I am and my life is okay.

I have realized that life is like a building that loses its beauty and composure by time. If you want to have new floors, you need to reform that old building, so that it won't collapse when you try to add something new.

I got to rebuild my life. I got to have a truce with my frail self.

The Tree

I am just like a tree blossoming and blooming. My principles are my roots dug deep inside a fertile good soil and cannot be shaken by trivial storms. Only Fall can shake my strong branches for a while and a few leaves fall off, but naturally I pull myself together very soon and become again the queen of all gardens.

Men; Those Big Babies

Men... every woman's enemies, have always made me wonder about them and their nature that is supposed to make them reign supreme in any society, especially our society.Yea, I know that men are much stronger and fitter than women according to the Quran. I believe in the Quranic verses, but I also believe that Quran is timeless and was meant for all people around the universe. My question here is are men in my society fitter than women?

Okay, I will start with my childhood. I went to school with boys and they were not as good as the girls in classes. I always topped my class and a couple of boys came second or third. This was the case in most classes and I guess most schools. I have a younger brother, and he had to struggle all his life because he was being compared to his sister. Surprisingly, he was not willing to exert much effort to prove people wrong and show everyone that he is better!

When I look at men and women when they get ready for their work, I have noticed that men who do half the work a woman would normally do on a daily basis, talk much time when they try getting out of bed. When they wake up, they cannot stand any single humming next to them. They just frown and give you the look and you know that you would have to tiptoe and keep on whispering till they are in the mood for some chit chat. 

The list goes on for childish attitudes from big babies whom we call "MEN". There is an Egyptian proverb that indicates that children are brought up while husbands are forced to getting used to this. Gradually, I become more convinced that only the first half of the proverb applies to all of us here.

When I look at little boys, I do not see a big difference in their attitudes when they grow up. They are somewhat the same. A child needs his mommy to wake him up so that he would go to school, and when he grows up, he would wait for his wife to do the same whenever he needs to go to work. A mother feeds her baby child and a wife feeds her hubby. A boy would try to upset his folks so that he would get some attention and he would do any mischief to feel that he is loved or pampered. 

Yea, they are human beings after all. They need care, passion and attention. But, men, if you want us to treat you as grown ups, start acting so. If not, then please don't be upset when we call you "babies" :P

The Old Dream

Today I was over the moon, simply because I got my first published article in a newsletter. This happened before, but this time I got paid for this. I was very ecstatic and thought that maybe I will find my way in the editing field especially because translation, which is my real passion, is a profession that is not so prosperous in Egypt.

I love writing and have passion for it since college. I have always got high grades in writing classes and topped my class several times. I grew up with no gtalent or a certain hobby and when I started writing, I felt alive. I thought that there is a room for my voice in this stifling world. I even felt more delighted and surprised when I posted my first so-called artistic piece on Facebook and casual friends who did not have to read or comment, read it and encouraged me to write more.

I started acting like Virginia Woolf or Anton Chekhov and writing abundantly once an idea pops into my mind. To my surprise, people read more and provided me with feedback. Some other cool friends helped me publish some stuff in local magazines and newsletters, but with friends fleeing away, so did my chances with getting anything published. I did not care at that point if I got paid or not, if people thought of me as artist or not. All I wanted was visibility and seeing my name published on paper and imagining that there is someone somewhere reading what I call a work of art. Egoistic as it may sound, but this is simply how I felt.

So when my chances were out of having anything published not just virtually, when I got busy with work and other stuff and maybe when I get frustrated every now and then, I guess I lost my interest in writing anything except for writing such posts on that blog where I let out all of my anger and other feelings that might seem trivial and insignificant to many people. But the point is, whenever the world gets lame, I know that there is always a litlle space for me where I can say anything without caring if someone hates it or not.

However, whenever I hear of an opportunity of working as an editor or a writer, my heart leaps up with joy and the old dream becomes vivid. "Maybe, things will come along and I will be a great writer," I keep on telling myself.

The thing is I have not known that making compromises and going with the flow aiming that one day I might get back to the old passion and make the dream come true, is just the biggest mistake ever. I should have known very well that making many compromises and taking so many chances that would get me closer to the big goal, is changing me. By time, I have stopped writing poems and short stories. By time, I have even stopped being so enthusiastic about writing my first novel. I get amazed every time I remember those many ideas I had once upon a time of a short story or an interesting piece of prose. I am not passionate anymore.

I was lying to myself when I got the check full of joy thinking that this would get me somewhere I want. I was wrong when I thought that in such a way of being alienated from the original me would do me any good. I knew that I was lying to myself but I kept on avoiding of the mere thought of such a horrific fate.

So, what bombed the shell? My lovely dear mom. When I gave her the article to read, I was thinking that she would be so proud of her little girl who seems like a supergirl for many people. She was like that for a while, but the poor woman thought that she was going to read another piece of my original work not some clumsy geeky article on a topic she has never heard of. Frank as she always is, she spilled everything out. Every single lie I was telling myself, she said it. I could not hide my anger or sorrow, but she has a point, as usual.

Making a living would do for a while and obviously there is nothing wrong with making compromises once in a while, but I have realized that once you let dream fade away before your eyes, it will slip off your hands whether you like it or not.

Tantrums of Fury

Written on 29th January 2011, Alexandria, Egypt

For the first time in my life, I pray so that God would let the sunshine in as soon as possible. I am writing this now while listening to Om Kalthoum. This is the only voice I find soothing at this point.

Egypt is out of security. Police has vanished and chaos is everywhere. Citizens have stood up together to protect their country, belongings, family and friends. My brother is in the street right now. he is among tens of young and old men who have been together in the same neighborhood for years, who might not have met before, yet they have discovered that they have many things in common. They share love for their country, fear over their city and most importantly courage to face the ugly side of humanity.

I wander every now and then inside the house. I keep on watching the door expecting a thug who might come in holding a guy or a stick and who is ready to steal safety from our hearts. Now, a Sheikh from a nearby mosque has made a smart move to calm people down. He started reading Quran via the microphone. Sorry Om Kalthoum, the voice of God is out now and I need to listen and pray.

Back to the domestic preparations. I got out all the knives and broomsticks I could find in the kitchen and got them ready for use. I hid all the jewelry, money and official papers. many scenarios are going on inside my head. I imagine that my brother gets shot. I can visualize a stranger inside our house raping my mother or even myself. Many other obsessions are trying to take control of my head. Please Sheikh, raise your voice and fill our hearts with safety that we know not of for quite a long time. Even before the protests of Fury, a long time ago, Egyptians have forgotten about the meaning of safety and security. For years, there has always been this threat represented by police. On my way to work, I passed everyday by El Raml police station. Everyday, I got the chills by the mere sight of it, due to all the crimes committed against innocent people, that I along with others heard of. Only yesterday, that police station in addition to many others was set on fire. 25th January is Police Day in Egypt. 28th January shall be a festive day in the Egyptian history. On 28th January, police fled from the streets. Police that is supposed to be the symbol of security in any nation was the symbol of terror and injustice in Egypt. Now, it is down and for no reason except for its flaws.

God, I beg you grant us strength, patience and unity. God, I would get on my knees just to see our streets full of life again. God protect Egypt and Egyptians. We are striving to have a life full of dignity, Help us get on the right track.

Pray for Egypt!

Facebook; Network or a Web?

Yesterday, I read like millions of people around the globe an article in a website that I am not familiar with, about   Mark Zuckerberg's intention to shut down Facebook (the so called "social network") on 15th March 2011. Regardless of the validity of such a piece of news, it has stirred a lot of discussions and created a sense of conflicted emotions of fear, worry, joys or even absolute disagreement.

I have to say that I felt good when I read the news. The so called argument made by Zuckerberg to justify his decision (not yet verified), made sense to me. I have been on Facebook since the beginning of its popularity in Egypt. Till now, I have witnessed many changes that happened to the website's layout, applications and most importantly the mentality of its members.

I will talk about my experience with Facebook through the eyes of an Egyptian girl who has been bewildered by this massive invention that has brought all the world together as never before in history. For me, when I wanted to create a Facebook account, I had first to understand what it is all about from my colleagues at college. It was this mysterious yet catchy trend that I, along with many others, wanted to explore and be part of it. It was not a must, as the case nowadays, to have a Facebook account; however, it was something "New". The point is nobody had to make an account. At that point, Facebook was still a luxury.

At the beginning, adding a single photo of me was a total "faux pas". "Noha, my brother told me that we should not add our photos at all. You can never know who might get them," a friend told me about 5 years ago. Adding the first photo on Facebook for the first time was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. No kidding, it was. Now, everyone adds photos of every aspect in their daily life. They add photos of their hang-outs, weddings, engagement parties, anniversaries...etc.

Our private lives are not private anymore. The funny thing is when a girl, for instance, wants to know about what's in for this season, she can log onto any of her friends' profiles, they do not have to be connected anyway. Not only the photos, now you can know about the tiny little details about one's personal life, you get it. Even if a person adjusts his/her privacy settings, there is always this single friend who knows that person who you are dying to know anything about and and you can get what you want in a snap of a finger.

Facebook has altered many people's lives immensely. Some people have started their businesses through it. Others know all the news by checking their home-pages. Loads of young people do not read daily newspapers or watch the news on TV. Other have reconnected with old friends. Others got married through Facebook. Facebook has provided people with all they need. 

For a long while, I have developed an addiction for Facebook. I have tried to get to some sort of a virtual rehab and fight my constant urge to log into it. I have deactivated my account several times, but all in vain. It is not because of any weakness on my side, but it has definitely to do with the fact that we have got to that stage that if you don't have a Facebook account, you are not in the real world. You are absolutely the walking dead. Without a Facebook account, you will lose contact with many of your friends. Think of the events that you will be missing and the news that you will know of 4 or 5 days after everyone knows of it. Girls, think of all of those fashionable items and fancy parties you will have this exclusive scoop to spot.

People, our life will have a major MALFUNCTION without Facebook.

This makes me wonder, "Is Facebook a mundane social network that we can easily leave, or has it become a web where everyone is entangled to its fragile walls?"

2011, What a start!

Yesterday was new year's eve. My friend and I were spending the last moments in 2010 together talking and discussing our future plans for the new year. The clock ticked 12:00 AM, "Cheers!" I went to bed a few minutes later after watching the fireworks from my balcony.

I woke up the next morning feeling a little weird. I wasn't sure what it was, but the whole new year joy was missing. Once I stepped out of my room, my brother broke the news right away, saying "There was an explosion yesterday in front of a church." I could not believe my ears, and I thought that this might have happened elsewhere.

Unfortunately, it was in Alexandria. I logged into my Facebook account, and there it was all black. Bloody posts everywhere and my Christian and Muslim friends were grieving. It is a disaster, indeed. I was speechless and helpless at the same time. I did not know what to do or what to say.

At night, my friends and I had plans to attend an event. None of us was excited about it anymore. I called one of them to see if she was going to make it or not, she lives in the same area where the explosion took place. Her voice was full of anxiety and fear. She said she would not go out because police is everywhere. She also told me that she heard the sound of the explosion. It was a few block away.

That is when I thought that whoever did this did not only ruin Christian's joy and festivities, but a whole nation's joy, security and trust.

I am just praying like anyone else that this would stop for now. I hope that victims rest in peace and I hope that God grants their families, friends and beloveds strength and patience.