2010 Annual Report!

Adieu 2010!

At last 2010 is about to come to an end. It has been a long stressful, yet fruitful year indeed.

At the beginning of 2010, I was a lost soul looking for a way out; and by the end of it, I can say that I have become more of a lady rather than a foolish girl.

I have made many mistakes during 2010, but the good thing is that I have realized very quickly that they need to be corrected. Maybe the way I did it was not the most appropriate way. But at least I had the chance to clear my mind for a while, think clearly, know some wise people who helped me see the right path and have a NEW fresh start.

This time is no kidding. Some people know that I always say I need a fresh start, but they surely know that I go back to the old leaf at once. My friends, this time, I mean it.

By the end of 2010, I forgave those who did me wrong. I am not angry anymore, however I didn't forget the pain.When I look back at those incidents, I feel like a stranger. I just cannot relate to that old foolish me. Definitely, I do not regret any of my decisions. I just feel that if I had had another chance to think things over once more, I would have acted more wisely and firmly.

During that year, I have learnt to cherish things that I have and people who are around me and who who love me the way I am with all of my flaws. I have realized that showing love is not just through being nice and smiling in people's faces every now and then, love is appreciation and showing support whenever needed. I have seen the difference this perspective has made in my life. Now, when I need love, I look around and find that I really have it, not just because of having my good family and dear friends all around me, but because whenever you give love, you will find love. Yeah, I talk about love as usual, it is still the sentimental me.

2010, you haven't been so bad as I thought once. However, I hope 2011 is much more fun ;)

Fare thee well.

Bipolar or what?

I am losing it. I am losing my grip, guys. Today I have had a fight out of nothing with a friend of mine. Because of what? I have no idea. I just snapped out like a lunatic without any reason. My friends might understand that I can be a pain in the neck, but I know that sooner or later they will have enough and get fed up.

Some people have had enough already, others are trying to be patient, and others haven't seen that face of me.

People, forgive me for any mischief or any stupidity. You are all precious to me.

My dear friend, I am sorry for what happened today!

What a Colorful World!

By mere coincidence today, I remembered my old childhood passion, which is coloring. I was looking for a card online to tag my friends in it for the New Year, and there it is this amazing French coloring website, where you can pick a certain photo and color it using whatever colors online.

I was at my office, and you can imagine all the stress I feel everyday with tons of emails pouring from everywhere, phone calls that come out of the blue, juicy conversations with my colleagues and fear that my work won’t get done on time. Then, I found that website that set me apart from that nuisance for some minutes. It was just me and the poster before me on the screen. If you had seen me during that time, you would have seen such a different person you are not used to. You would see what appears to everyone as a grown up, with a silly smile on her face and with eyes wandering around without a certain clue about the whole world.

Once I woke up from that sweet dream, I made up my mind right away and decided to buy a coloring book. “Oh yeah, there is nothing wrong about this.” I just felt like I need to set myself every now and then apart from all of that stress crawling inside my head. Just few minutes every day, without speaking, technologies of any complicated form, work and without thinking, all I have to do is pick a crayon, a suitable color, and decide to paint that world of fantasy that makes me feel like a child again innocent enough to believe that there is still beauty all around and goodness inside every creature.

Seriously, what a colorful world!

The Rose

I got into my office today after weekend feeling a bit refreshed thinking of all of those tasks I have to finish and hoping that I can keep on feeling good.Once I got there, I forgot all about my content and cheerfulness when I found the rose on my table wilted.

I have not been a fan of flowers and I have not bought flowers for myself. However, I always hoped that someone would give me flowers some day. Yea, that would be a sweet gesture. But what is it exactly that made me feel this way? What is this bond that came to the surface all of a sudden between flowers and myself?

Then it struck me. It is not the flower in the simple manner, but it is what the flower stands for. When I had it, I felt good about myself. It looked nice, sweet and innocent. Every time I felt down, I picked it trying to smell its odor. Its presence just me me feel good about myself, my life and my job. Maybe, it is just like love, or that is what I think.

That's when I signed into my Facebook account and wrote the following status, "Love is like a beautiful rose. It's always a delight to have it, look at it all day long and smell its beautiful odor. But, it breaks you when you see it wilt."

I guess I need to get another flower at once.

The Spark

Attention, care and affection; we spend all of our lives looking for those three things. Some of us are lucky enough to find them, others think that they already got them, but most of us strive to get a glimpse of any of those traits.

We sometimes meet people who might show the greatest interest in knowing us and getting much closer, but unluckily we don't believe that there is much chemistry. We decide to move on and keep on looking for that One who will make it all happen. We search for that person whom we can call a soul-mate. We try hardly to find that single unique person, among those millions of people all around us, who will provide us with the personal satisfaction we aim for.

But what is it exactly that drives us away from people who might see us in a different color? What is it that puts us off such individuals who might support us and provide us with "attention", "care" and "affection" that we look for in the first place? Isn't it enough? Isn't it what we want?

Well, I guess that within each one of us, there is this hidden trait that not everyone realizes not even ourselves. There is this one of a kind characteristic that only one single person can bring it to the surface. It is the Spark that the One will instill in each one of us and make us realize how superb we really are.

For me, it is not attention, care or affection that makes us crave finding our soul-mate. It is realizing our hidden forgotten beauty that only one person can bring to the surface.

Well, It Says It All

A friend of mine has advised me to write some impersonal stuff. In her opinion, I might get some followers so that my blog will be popular. I thought about that for a while. "She's damn right," I thought for a short while, then I signed in to my blog right away and stared at the page for a while trying to get some fresh new ideas to write about. I was looking for something "impersonal" and more commercial more or less. I was looking for something like all of those many articles that are found everywhere online with very flashy titles without any particular flavor or a a distinctive style. There are very good blogs by very talented writers and journalists, but I am talking about the common trend.

Then, it hit me, "What am I thinking?" That's when I read the title of the blog "Talks from the Heart". It is supposed to be personal anyway. It is from the heart. If you are looking for any kind of articles, you can find them anywhere and the way they suit perfectly your taste. But, here, this is my own space.

I have to admit that I write about personal experiences and gatherings with my friends. I believe that some people, who barely know me, can figure out what I actually mean by reading any of the posts. Others can relate themselves to some of the posts.

Even if I will discuss politics, which I cannot stand by any means, I will discuss it my "too personal" way.

Yes, I want people to read my stuff. That is why I am publishing it online, yet I don't think that changing my style is the way out.

So, if you want to read any of the posts, be my guest. The title says it all.

What a Year!

In the cold weather by the sea side, my friend and I sat like total lunatics catching up. It was such a delight hanging out there chilling and feeling cold like fish. It's all because we wanted to smell the breeze of fresh air that has always made us feel alive.

My friend started talking about her dreams and how she wanted to work on herself. It amazed me how she has developed a plan for herself after a long time of despair, thinking and determination. It is always great to "listen to the voice deep in yourself," and begin the questioning phase. You assess your actions, your relationships and your future.

Then, it was my turn. Luckily, my friend struck me with the question I have been waiting for, "So underneath this perfect mask, how are you doing?" I smiled impressed by such a smart and yet frank question.

My friend and I have agreed simply on one thing. This year has been fruitful for both of us. I still remember a year ago. She and I had the same frank conversation. Back then, everything was gloomy and ugly, or that's how it seemed. However, now we have a much broader perspective.

Yes, we have met so many people that we regret knowing, but they have taught us many things about ourselves. They have shown us aspects that we have never known before. They have drawn our attention to the simple fact that life does not always go our way. They have made us aware of our need to stop having too many expectations from them.

Yes, we have made many bad choices, but now we have the luxury of thinking thoroughly before taking any hasty decision.

Thank you my dear friend for opening my eyes to many things I seemed to forget.

Got Mail?

I have just been watching "You've Got Mail", starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. I have watched it for hundreds of times, and every time I watch it I get mesmerized to my chair waiting for the end that i already know, just because I like its subtlety.

I like how New York looks in this movie. Frankly, I have never been to New York, yet I watched many movies that were shot there. Believe me, New York in "You've Got Mail" is just sensational. Maybe, it's all because it is supposed to capture the city during the Fall, and I am a big fan of Autumn, the somewhat quiet atmosphere with the gentle breeze and the wilting trees.

What captures in such a brilliant plot is how Fox and Kelly (Hanks & Ryan) got into love without even seeing each other, or knowing one another's name. How love is so impersonal and universal that a human being can relate to another without the necessity of having any sexual interest of any sort. Those two people could just relate to each other by talking about mundane simple and yet beautiful things.

What also dazzles me is the beauty of the plot that shows how two people who were actually soul mates passed by each other maybe every single day without realizing that fact. It makes me wonder, "Is this true by any means?" I have been searching like everyone else for love. Could this be true? Could I pass by my soul mate every single day without realizing this? Is it possible that love is just that close to me and I'm too busy to realize this? Or is it possible that two people might fall for one another without meeting in person?

Well, I guess that I will keep on watching other enchanting movies and dream of living like those stars on the screen.

When Beauty Equals Serenity

I was taken by the beauty of nature last week. For me, it was a new kind of beauty. It was mere serenity.

Here are some shots I took in Hurghada. 

Don't Worry... Be Happy

I have always believed that God has better plans for you than those you have for yourself. Sometimes, I feel worried about my future. However, I assure myself right away that I will always have something better. I keep on telling myself that no matter how high my aspirations seem, there is always something better on the road for me.

By time, I have realized that there is no need to feel anxious or afraid. God is there for all of us.

Look at your life. Have a close look and try to think of your past dreams and analyze your present conditions. There is surely this one great thing in your life that you have missed in your past dreams. There is this unique thing that you, and only you, possess. There is this one little thing that you forgot about when you decided to make your plans.

Take a very close look, and I'm sure that you will find all of these things in your life that shall make you feel happy and satisfied.

So, when you think of your future, always dream and have loads of ambitions. However, when you feel afraid, I tell you,"Don't Worry...Be Happy."

The Milestone

What is the true value of life if you live it without learning? What is your brain good for, if you just try to ignore its voice of wisdom and keep on making the same mistakes that you have always been doing?

There must be certain stages in your life, where you shall stop whatever it is that you are doing and assess your actions, your relationships and your future steps. Of course, it is important to look ahead, however it's more crucial to assess your previous actions. In this way, you can have a clearer image of your future.

I call such stages, where you stop and think, "Milestones". I have just had a milestone last week. It was my birthday, when I saw almost everyone in his/her true colors.

On that day, I knew who cared for me, who is trying to know me better and who have been acting and faking for a very long time.

I used to believe that when I do a good dead, I do it because it should be done. However, it occurred to me that a very few people really think this way. People make favors to others because of interests and only INTERESTS.

I am not saying that I will be like everybody else. But, maybe I will not feel hurt when I get a cold text message next year from a supposedly good friend saying, "Happy Birthday Noha."

Nostalgia

I wish I were 1 year old again. When I look at the photos of my first birthday party, I cry silently. Everything was wonderful then. All the people I loved were around me; my father, my grand parents and my dearest uncle. When I look at those pictures I can see love in their eyes. On that day, all they cared about was to make me happy. For once in my life as far as I remember, the world was revolving around me. I'm telling you, it feels good. I wonder about that kind of love. I wonder what they loved me for. Well, I guess for myself. I, myself, was carefree. My eyes were as clear as crystal. You can see no hatred, no pessimism, nothing rotten in them. It was mere innocence inside them. I miss my old eyes. I wish I were one again.

Beauty Is in the Eyes of the Beholder

Today, I was in Cairo for just two hours, for work as usual. When I think about Cairo, I have very contradictory thoughts. Sometimes, I feel that it's an exciting place with many destinations to hang in. However, I tend to think right away of people's weird attitude there, pollution, dirty streets and most notably traffic jams.

Anyway, I said to myself, "What da heck?" I thought that it would be a great chance for me to enhance my mood, chill out a little bit and learn of course new skills that would prove to be of high significance for my job.

There I was in the shaky train, I sat there in a very uncomfortable seat for more than two hours, just to get to my "beloved" Cairo. Once you step out of your train, car, bus or even a plane, you can't help but notice the difference. Well, I gotta say, you notice the BIG difference between stiff Cairo and flirty Alexandria. Everything starting from the stifling atmosphere to people aggressiveness. What a pain in the neck?

The meeting was out of Cairo. You would better say that it's in the desert. A boring and long way I had to put up with. Thank God there was a car.

That's when I thanked God that I live in Alexandria and I work there too. At least when I go for a walk, I see people with nice smiley faces, somewhat good clean streets and breath taking views over the Mediterranean. In Alexandria, you do not need to worry about whether you will see the sea because of cloudy misty weather. Here, there is sunshine.

Yet, I am cool with all of Cairo's flaws. However, what I could never tolerate EVER is people's denial of their city's very clear defects.

I have met a Cairo citizen, and I was surprised that he doesn't think very highly of Alexandria. I am not an Alex fanatic, but I was like "Huh? Are you kidding me?"

People, there are certain things, people and places that you could not help but fall in love with. Alexandria is one of those things.

But I guess after all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Ooops, I'm 22!

I must have been drunk when I once said, "I wanna grow up." Seriously, I had no idea. I know that when I'm 40, for instance, and read this post, I will laugh out loud at my idiocy and say "I was surely blessed with many good things."

I am just a typical human being, or I'd rather say a typical woman, who is always afraid of getting old and losing my charm. Well, c'est la vie!

Mom always says I'm blessed with many wonderful things she wishes she had had. When I ask her, "What were you going to do if you had had everything you say I have? She always says, "Many things," well I need to know what kind of things she would have made, maybe I will get some sort of inspiration.

Yes. I'm 22. It's not that bad after all. I'm enjoying my life to some extent. At least, some people think that my life is exciting. That must ring a bell for me.

When I turned 21, I had loads of aspirations. I remember my Facebook status at that time. It stated, "No more guardians...No more threats. I'm 21 and that's it!" I still remember the comments very well. One of my friends said, "In your dreams," which was kinda pessimistic, yet it was surely realistic.

A year ago, I thought that I would be Miss Liberty. I wanted to get my own passport and I wanted to travel abroad on my own to discover the world according to what I want. Of course, it was all "in my dreams." Yet, I grew much wiser. In a year, I met many people who have changed everything about me. Change is good, but sometimes I feel like I totally changed. To the better, or the worse? I have no clue.

On my 21st birthday, I made two wishes and they both came true. This year, I'm afraid of making a wish.

A friend always says, "Be careful what you wish for," and she is damn right. I will not wish for anything and let myself go with the flow.

Oh Shit!

I have just got some news 10 minutes ago and I'm in a total shock. I guess this is the first time I write when I'm totally emotional. But once I heard the news, I couldn't resist. I needed to shout and cry. I know that no one would understand why I am so upset. The point is I'm hurt.

It's not that I feel hurt because of those two people whom I considered friends. People don't bother me anymore. It seems like I am fully convinced that sooner or later someone will hurt me someday somewhere. This time, I feel in pain because of myself. It's me.

I have let so many people take advantage of me simply by being idiot and silly. I believed in people. I trusted them. What do I get? Suffering and pain, and I never learn. If I was stupid once when I let such bastards hurt me or even betray me, then I would be even more stupid to blame them when it was me in the first place who gave them such a jaw dropping opportunity to play me and fool me around.

Mom was just talking to me with blank indifferent eyes and said, "Why are you even surprised?" Why am I even surprised? I wonder why? I said nothing. I didn't even look at her afraid that she might see the tears in my eyes, switched off the lights of her bedroom, and wished her a good night sleep.


Is it me who is becoming so sensitive? Or is it people who are becoming so insensitive?

WOW! Keep it up people! Keep on doing what you have been doing, maybe I will get the lesson.

My Tender Years

For some people, it seems weird that my life has always been linked to good music. Yea, it sounds weird but it's kinda sweet, especially when you listen to a certain song and remember the first time you heard it, what you were doing and who you were with. I know people who are attached to music like me. Sometimes, good music make you feel more optimistic, hopeful and nostalgic to the sweet past.

Whenever you face a dilemma, you turn on a fantastic song and you chill. No matter how pissed off you might feel, you just listen and lay everything off your shoulders.

That's how I get on with my life. Even when I have been through the worst, I turn on the PC and listen to my collection of good songs. That is when I create a whole new world of my own, where everything is bright, where everyone is nice and sweet and where I see myself as a different and better person.

There are other times when I listen to a certain song and I feel some pain. That is when I remember things or people whom I used to attach to such songs. I miss those people and those things I used to have. Well, I guess it is all part of our nature as human beings. We only look for the things we don't have anymore and we long for those people who were close to us once in our lives. We tend to beautify the past and sweeten it. Maybe it is all because we want to convince ourselves that our present conditions are not that good and we had better days, or we need a reason to justify our constant anger and pain.

Today, I was just creating another play-list on my YouTube channel. I entitled it "Tender Years". Some of the songs are not that brilliant, but every time I listen to them I feel good. I remember the first cassette my late dad brought home. It was for Ragheb Alama. I still remember how my parents were so eager to listen to the songs. Now, when I look back, I can see that they you were pleased by very mundane things.

I can still remember those rainy nights and how Alexandria looked so glowing when I watched it when I was with dad in his car. We were all together. We were happy and I felt so secure. I have not got that feeling for a long time.

Yes, sometimes I miss some people and crave for the sweet memories. However, I remind myself right away that at least I was lucky enough to have such sweet memories and meet some people who drew a smile on my face even for seconds.

I love you my sweet "tender" years.

My Solitude

Sometimes solitude is good. Yea, it is, especially when you need to have a clear head, enjoy the atmosphere all around you, look back and analyze every little detail that you might ignore in the past. I am always a busy person with a hectic routine that I spend either making phone calls, chatting, reading, or WORKING.

Ramadan is just about to come to an end and it was pretty fruitful for me. It was not that spiritual fruitful, I must admit. However, it was full of life, and new thrilling experiences. Then, it occurred to me that I need to shut up and listen. "Shshshshs..," I want to hear myself. Amid the business and nuisance, you need to watch, observe and think. When you are dazzled by the crowds and the great joys you feel when you are with your friends and family, you need serenity more than ever.

And there came my chance, my family was heading out for an Iftar, each with his/her friends. They kept on inviting me to join them, however they didn't push it as usual and left me alone. It is a bit sad to have you Iftar on your own in an empty house. "The glass is half full ya Noha," that's what I kept on telling myself. "I got you your meal out of the fridge, just heat beforehand, Okay?" mom said and I was nodding with an evil smile as if I was saying, "I'm a grownup for God's sake, don't worry about me."

They all left after saying dozens of goodbyes as if they were traveling abroad. "Home Alone!" I thought to myself. "Finally, I'm ALONE," I can assure you that I was so ecstatic. I turned off my cell phone, unplugged the land line and switched off all the lights and distracting appliances. It was Nature and me. The Maghrib prayer was very close. The dining room was so dull and depressing. I decided to have my Iftar in the balcony. Crazy as it sounds, it was just like heaven.

A great view over a wide garden with blossoming trees, what else do I need? I got the food out of the oven, got a bottle of water, and that was it. I stretched my legs over a chair and waited. "Allaho Akbar," the Sheikh called for the prayer and I sipped some water. Luckily, the bottle still smelt of apple cider. I closed it right away afraid that it might lose its beautiful sweet odor.

On that day, I didn't eat much. I realized that I was surrounded by so much charm and beauty. "What was I thinking? How shall I be depressed or even out of the mood when life is full of great things?" that's what I thought.

And I guess I am right. Thank you my sweet solitude for opening my eyes and helping me get over so many troubles and think clearly.

To My Little Girl

To My Little Girl,

To the most precious person in my life, I write this letter.

It’s been a long while since I wanted to write this to you. However, I think that it is time to write it. It’s now or never, and I choose now. I have wanted to write this even before you were born. The moment I knew that I was going to have a girl, I have been thinking about your future, the way you will look and the way you will think. I have been thinking about your hobbies, interests and passions to be. I have been thinking about your love life, your suitors, your soul mate and your unborn children. Yes, I have been thinking about that before you were even born.

Now, by watching you growing up to be such a fine young lady, I became concerned. I’m so worried about you. I do not want you to change. Maybe, I’m selfish. Well, I am. But trust me; I think that this will be for your own good. I always want you to be this innocent, pure and free spirited girl that you truly are.

That is why I have decided that I should write this now.

I need you to love your life, because it deserves to be loved. Remember that love is the key to happiness and satisfaction.

Keep discovering yourself and your innate passions. This is because you are creative. You have always been different and that is what makes you who you really are.

You are still young and green. You will meet many people whom you might not like and who might hurt your feelings. Be sure that all of those experiences will make you much stronger. You have been through the worst. At that time, you pulled yourself together. You proved everybody, who thought of you as a spoiled brat, wrong. You proved me wrong. You proved to yourself, most importantly, that you are strong and that you are a man, exactly like what your father used to say about you.

When you feel down, do the stuff that you like. Go shopping. Pamper yourself. You are a beautiful great girl. Keep that in mind.

Don’t mix between pleasure and business. Always keep things professional. That’s for your own sake. Do not forget about your dreams, and bear in mind that love will surely come your way and not the other way around.

Focus on your life and be sure that the best is yet to come. Be patient and be sure that all of your dreams will come true eventually, only because you deserve that and you will work very hard to attain your dreams.

Be cautious. Be brave. Be strong. Be a Man. Keep that image that your father used to have of you in your mind.

That’s it my precious little girl for now. Keep that letter in your heart. Only then, I can be sure that I will be in your heart.

Love,

I'm a Queen

The world is mine

I feel free

When the wind tickles my face

Then, I'm a queen

The World is Mine

I won't Care

I'm so lucky

I have no time for despair

The Web

Flashy yet mysterious it looks, you are easily drawn to it. No matter who you are or what you do, you want desperately to join it, be part of that bond and stick to its fragile tricky walls.

Suddenly you are in. It is not as tough as you imagined it to be. On the contrary, you feel like you are the One.You look in their eyes, you believe that you are among the chosen few. They are selective, but it seems like they were just waiting for you.

You get on board and have a look. You only see what they want you to see. What is real is kept in store for you to discover on your own. Some of them see themselves in you. Some of them know what you are going through. Others want to warn you and make you escape, but they know for sure that you will never buy what they have to say.

Still, you are dazzled and impressed. Striving and working so hard, you want to prove that you are up to it. You convince yourself that you are happy and that it is your dream. However, by time, you feel possessed. You want to run and get out. "This is not where I belong. This is not what I want," you keep on yelling but it seems like no one is listening. Are they deaf? Or are they just pretending not to be? You look into their eyes and try to find an answer, but NOTHING. They are all emotionless. What happened to them? Are they your companions whom you were dying to befriend with? Or do they seem like monsters who feed on your pain and will never jump in to help their supposed to be "friend"?

That is when you feel that you don't fit in anymore. To your surprise, they let go of you. Deep inside they know for sure that you will be back. For them, it is just a matter of time.

You feel free and think you will soon attain your old dreams. But to your disappointment, you realize that you do not fit anywhere but in the WEB. You have just become like everyone else. Then you are back. You succumb to your reality and hope they would take you back. You look into their eyes again, but you don't find gratitude.

Let's face it my friend, you are not the first and won't definitely be the last.

Sleeping with the Enemy

In an empty corner, there he stood. Afraid of making a scene, he seemed to be lost. Courage? Audacity? On that day, I have seen not.

Running like a headless chicken, he was escaping his fate. Yet, it was so weird of a man who was so great.

What was wrong? What has got into him? No one knew. Was it lunacy or shame? He had no clue.

Finally, he made up his long lost mind and decided to act like a man. For he was not. He was always fond of acting and making plots.

Slowly he moved, gliding in his cloak of disgrace. Fire burning inside his head,  he was drawing a fake smile on his deceitful face.

For his surprise, he could not make a conquest as he thought he might do. He made his move. But for the bitterness, he had no strength to endure.

"What have I done? What have I made?" He said to himself, knowing for sure that it was his truthful sad fate.

I Don't Wanna Talk....

That's it. I have had enough. It seems like I can neither trust nor believe anyone anymore. No matter what I say, I'm a liar. No matter how hard I try to explain, judgments are already made. Punishment is waiting. The guillotine is sharp, ready  and waiting for my blood to quench its thirst. Evil faces with envious hateful eyes are staring, waiting for the execution. Hypocrites cannot wait to take off their masks. They have been wearing them for so long, and the clock is ticking.

So, what's the point of talking? Why shall I defend myself, when I am already convicted. Handcuffed and paralyzed, I can say a lot. But I don't want to. I got caught once because I talked and opened my mouth. Now, I will just give them a reason to satisfy their lost ego.

I won't grant you such a blessing.

Do whatever you feel like. Say whatever you want to say. Kill me and be merciless.

It's a matter of time, and you will soon be in my shoes.

A Broken Record

Have you ever felt that history is repeating itself? You go through the same problem with the same lame people, or you even witness a situation that you have been through once, but this time it's someone else who is entrapped. It could be your best friend, a colleague, or just an acquaintance.

Suddenly you feel as if you are watching a boring movie that you have watched 50 times before.

Think of it this way. The first time you watch that movie, you are overwhelmed. You are mesmerized and eager to know the end. By time, the movie loses its edge. It becomes very mundane. Sometimes it feels like you are watching a very common thing, like watching people in streets. You don't feel anything.

You don't feel the rush that you used to have when it was the first time. However, you know all the events and all the details that makes a movie worth watching. Sometimes, you fast forward some parts just to see the end that you already know.

Whenever this movie airs on TV, you watch it. Why? You have no idea. You just do. No matter how idiotic the movie gets in your opinion, you can't miss watching it.

At the beginning, when you watched it for the first time, you decided to watch it, you wanted to see what's new for you. You wanted to feel the thrill and the excitement. But after watching it for 50 times or more, what is it that makes you watch it again?

Maybe it's all because every time you watch it, you discover a new thing that you never noticed before. You feel that you are solving a puzzle. A missing clue is found every time, and you are the winner. You add to your knowledge and to your imagination, as well. You can even become more shrewd than the director himself. Maybe, that's why you watch it every time. Yes, because you feel that you are imaginative. Or maybe because you discover new things not only about the movie, but about yourself as well.

Whatever your reason is, you cannot miss a real fact. You scream at the end, saying "What an idiot! What a dumb stupid ending!" No matter how hard you scream, you can't change a thing. It's always the lame boring movie directed by an uncreative copycat. And you are just part of the audience.

To My Dear Friend,

To my dear friend,

I hope that you are doing well. It's been a while, huh?

I'm sending this letter to thank you. I want to thank you not for trying to break me, but for making me stronger.

Betrayal hurts, but it even hurts more when you are stabbed in the back by people whom you used to consider as your friends.

I know what you did to me, but I am not angry anymore. I heard every word you said, but I don't care my sweet little pumpkin.

Gossiping is like a spear that one might use to kill anyone in a cold blooded manner. You wanted to kill me, but you missed a real fact. You forgot that spears are made of iron which always rusts by time. No matter how pointed your spear is, it rusted and didn't kill me as you wished it would.

Thank you again for trying to stab me in the back. That's when I realized that I am too strong for you that you couldn't confront me. See? You have drawn my attention to the inner strength in me.

Good people lift their friends' spirits up, and what a good friend you have been so far!

Thank you for what you have done for me, and if you see a chance to lift me up, don't hesitate. That's because when you do so, I will realize the true you and the strong me.

Love,

Ramadan Kareem

Dear all,

Ramadan is just a few days ahead. Happy Ramadan everybody!!

The question that has just been hitting my head lately is simply, "Am I ready?"

What a hectic year I had! How many losses have I had! How many deep wounds have I suffered from and inflicted!

When shall I be ready and cleanse my soul?

I have to let go and open my heart to all the goodness around me.

God, grant my strength to forgive and grant others tenderness to have mercy upon me.

God, have mercy upon us all.

Yes, I'm Bad...Leave Me Alone

If you say that I'm a bad person, I would respect your opinion. On the contrary, I will never argue. This is because an argument in such a case would be considered as self-defense and I am not in a position to defend myself.

If you see me as an atrocious awful person, nothing that will be said or done will ever change your view of me. If there is time and you see me as a good person, this would only happen because you want to see the goodness in me.

If you see me as a demon, I would appreciate if you get da hell outta here and save yourself the trouble. Well, I guess that you will save me the trouble as well. I can't bear having a single person in my life who would think that I am his/her enemy.

And please, PLEASE, don't ever try to straighten me up. I am happy the way I am.

 I am not going to say that you'd better look for the flaws in your own personality to straighten them up. God forbid! I would never say that. When it comes to people and their lives, they know better.

And I know better of my own.

That's it for today.

Thanks a million for your understanding and for putting up with me all this time.

Your Biggest Sin

Have you ever wondered about your biggest flaw?

Have you asked yourself once about the source of all of your miseries?

Have you thought even for one second about why you are feeling awful and unsatisfied?

If you have, I guess that I have the answer. I have the "Secret" that might make you realize that life is so trivial and it's us- human beings- who tend to complicate things and make a fuss out of nothing.

It is pride, my dear. It surely is.

Think of it in this way:

You split up with your friend, lover or even a family member. Sometimes, you might feel that you want to make amends, but you don't. Why? This is simply because you are too proud.

Sometimes, you make mistakes. Well, we all do. However, you won't admit it. Why? This is because you are too damned PROUD.

You lose dear people to your heart and you feel like shit just because you are a snobbish bastard and you would never admit your faults.

Yes, I am too proud as well. If there is something that I wish for is an end to all of that crap that made me lose.

It's Over, Isn't It?

"People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them." George Bernard Shaw

 

I thought that I might have something to write. But when I typed that quote, I guess it says it all and in a much better way than I have ever thought.

The Way I Love You......

Strong, unique and legendary...that's how I always describe Nina Simone's voice. Since the first time I listened to her version of "Feeling Good", I couldn't resist the temptation of listening to all of her songs over and over and over again. I have always been a big fan of Jazz, but with Nina Simone such an admiration became some sort of an obsession.

Then I discovered her version of "To Love Somebody". I am a big fan of Bee Gees' version of the same song as well. However, when it comes to Nina Simone, no one is good enough to compete with her. Here is a link to that great version:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57jXNMC1Vl4

Listen to the lyrics and relax.

There' a light

A certain kind of light

It's never shown on me

I want my whole life to be

Lived with you

Lived with you

(That's when I first step into my office, switch the PC on. This song is like my morning coffee. Refreshed, that's how I feel when Nina's voice crawls gently into your ears and tickles all of your senses)

There's a way

Everybody say

Do each and every little thing

What good does it bring

If I ain't got you If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you If I ain't got you

("If I ain't got you...If I ain't got you, I keep on singing till my coworkers give me the look- which is a combination of surprise, amazed smiles and a belief that I'm a total lunatic.)

You don't know

What it's like

Baby you don't know

What it's like

To love somebody

To love somebody

The way I love you

(Hmmm, memories keep on attacking my head after such a meaningful couplet....)

In my brain

See your face again

I know my frame of mind

You ain't got to be so blind

And I'm blind so blind

(LOL, Yes, I am blind.)

But I'm a woman

Can't you see what I am

I live and breathe for you

What good does it do

If I ain't got you If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you If I ain't got you

("But I'm a woman," that's when I grab my mirror and look at my reflection....a big satisfied smile is drawn on my face right away:)

Say you don't know

What it's like

Baby you don't know what it's like

To love somebody

To love somebody

The way I love you

Oh’a, you don't know

What it's like

Baby you don't know

What it’s like

To love somebody

To love somebody

The way I love you

Nina, you don't know what it's like to love somebody the way I love you.....

Always AIMUNer...Always Proud

Sometimes you might meet people who prove to be trivial and so insignificant to you that they never seem to influence you in any manner. However, there are others whom you might meet, even for a few seconds, and they change everything about you. They change the way you look at yourself. They alter your perspectives. That is what AIMUN is all about.

Change..Yes, when it's AIMUN, it's all about change.

On our first anniversary, I look back and I see loads of inspiration, joys and surely tears. I see people whom I will never forget. I see hope and great possibilities for young people to make a difference. I see obstacles appearing so trivial next to genius decisive minds that are able to stand out of the crowd.

Yes, we have chosen different paths. However, we all share the same sweet memories that none of us shall forget. We have chosen different routs, yet we can never forget those people who shared our dreams, ambitions and most importantly our enthusiasm.

AIMUNers, Happy Anniversary!!

Cut the Crap

Till when shall I fight myself? Till when will I keep on hiding the real me? Till when will I be afraid of expressing my emotions?

Will I ever make amends with myself? Will I ever take off those phony masks that I keep on wearing like a clown just to please everyone but myself? Will it be too late to do that?

I want to rediscover myself again. I want to remember the true human being inside me. Sometimes, I cannot, not because I am not willing to do so. But, sometimes I feel like I forgot the true genuine me. I have been addicted to wearing masks, like everybody else, just like every other clown. But I am not determined to sell my soul. I have the will, but I have no idea about what is keeping me from doing so.
Why am I so paralyzed?

Is it the fear of being judged? Is it the fear of being thought of as a fragile human being? Well, I guess that I’ll be fragile if I keep on wearing the God damned superwoman mask. I guess that I’m too fragile already when I fear the change.
To hell with everybody!!

Nobody will care about me, if I don’t give a damn about myself.

It’s time to take off the makeup. It’s time to take off the clown’s disguise.
I’m not a God damn superwoman. I’m a real woman. I am not ashamed to say that. On the contrary, I am so proud. I can be sweet, nice and even an angel. However, I can get ugly and nasty. I can be very jealous, competitive and vengeful. Yes, I can, and I have the right to say so. I will never draw another fake smile on my face and say: “It’s Ok.” I have emotions that need to be expressed, and I will express them no matter what the consequences will be.

I have cared about others for so long, but I will not take it anymore. I will never be a doormat. It is time to live for myself. If people will judge me, let them do so. So what? They will judge me any way. They are just like me. They need to be frank and honest with themselves. They have to look at themselves in the mirror too. They have to realize that they must stop acting like emotionless robots.

I have been packing everything deep inside, but I will never do that anymore. So, CUT THE CRAP.

Panic Attack

A friend and I were talking yesterday about a topic that has always been a source of anxiety for everybody, men and women. We were talking about relationships. Well, it was me who was talking about that. Actually, my friend doesn't care much about that. She just wants to live like a free a bird without "burdens".

Well, to some extent I guess that she's somewhat right, especially when I see all of those heartbreaks and dilemmas that many couples experience nowadays. I have always been free like a bird. Not a single relationship, can you believe it? Oh, yeah. Not a single one, and I feel free.

Of course, sometimes, I want to find my other half. I don't wanna end up like an old angry spinster. I wanna enjoy my life to the extreme. I guess that we all want to. So, what is the problem? If I want someone to pat on my shoulder when I feel down and tell me, "Everything is gonna be fine," or "I'm here for you," where is the problem?

I guess it's me after all. Every time I feel that there is someone who might be slightly interested in knowing me better, I push him away.

I wasn't aware of that problem till very late, when you just sit by yourself all alone and begin the questioning phase.

Yes, I have a problem. Maybe this is due to fear. God! I have lost many dear people to my heart. I don't wanna be hurt again.

I guess that I have to overcome my fears if I wanna find my other half.

In Love with Love

What is it about love that makes it so hard to get? What is it about love that makes all of us crave it? What is it about love that makes most of us chase it?
Is it the rush that we feel when we are in love, or when we think that we are truly in love? Is it love’s ability to make us aware of our good side, our good nature that we seem to forget about? Is it that mystical refreshing feeling that we always experience when we feel that there is someone for us, someone who cares about us? What makes “Love” so precious?
Although we know that it can really hurt us, we still cherish it. We keep on looking for it. For our disappointment, it keeps on moving farther and moving away, like a butterfly, when we try to chase it and grab it to our possession. Love, for us, always seems like a mirage that looks too good and seems like it is all that we ever wanted, but it is never real.
We know deep inside that it can be a losing game, but we still go for it. Are we masochists? Do we enjoy getting hurt? Or, do we only care about enjoying the moment and never look ahead? Are we sane? If yes, then why do we keep on hurting ourselves? Or, do we lie to ourselves to the extent that we believed our lies?
Why can’t we turn off our hearts? Why is it beyond our God damned control? Sometimes, we try to control our hearts, but love is so strong. We cannot resist the temptation.
And when we fall in love and it doesn’t work out, we ask the same lame question, “Is it me?” Is it our fault? Is it our bad choice? Why do we keep on blaming ourselves, though we know that it’s beyond our control? Why do we feel devastated, though we saw this coming?
Again, are we masochists?
Why do keep on looking for that heartbreaking love when true love is all around us?
Most people keep on looking for it throughout their lives, and they always think that they cannot find it. Why do we keep on looking for “Love” when it is all around us? Are we blind?
Look around. Love is all around you. You just need to open your eyes. Give yourself a break. Breathe and listen to your heartbeats. Feel them. Listen carefully! Only then, you will feel the magical rhythm that will enlighten your life.
Love yourself. Love the world around you, and be sure that it will love you right back.
Be sure that love will come your way, and not the other way around. Relax! If you still insist on looking for “Love”, so look for that safe love that will never break you. Look for that love that will make you discover the innate you. Look in the eyes of those who are around you and be sure that you will find your desired treasure.
If you think that you are not in love, think again. This is simply because you are in love with LOVE.

Stand out of the Crowd

I have always thought that it is my madness that made me who I am. What if you lose this thing that defines you? What if you cannot find this thing that makes you stand out of the crowd?

I feel like I am becoming another person. People say that. Actually, I am getting to feel like I am changing too. I am getting to lose my spontaneity. I am losing my edgy maniac spirit. I slow down before I act or speak. What is that? What is going on inside of me? What shall I become?

I am feeling like I am old man who does everything after thorough thinking. Of course my teenage little mind made me go through a great deal. I lost many great people by my foolishness and childishness. However, it was the same foolishness and childishness that got me into troubles.

Will I prefer having an edge to being sane?

If being sane will make me see things clearly, I surely want to be sane. If being mature will make me see through people, I do not want to lose my mind. If being sane will make me cherish things that I already have, I would pray asking God to enlighten my way.

God, make me different in some other way.

Chemical Brothers

Human beings always surprise me in the most amazing ways. Yesterday I met three of my friends who did not know each other before. Actually, it was their first time to meet one another. Before that gathering, I thought that all they had in common was me.

Seriously, I was very nervous about yesterday. I care about each one of them. The typical me would be always worried and anxious. I was afraid that they might not get along. Fortunately, my fears proved to be nonsense.

At the beginning, each one was a bit intimidated. You could surely say that there was a sense of awkwardness in the air. However, it all vanished in a second, when someone- I don't remember who it was exactly- made a mundane comment about the place and that was it.

Seeing them connecting like that together in a very comfortable and relaxed way, reminded me of watching a cup of water to which a color is added. The color might not merge right away. You just need to stir it a bit and it's done.

They talked, talked and talked like non-stop radios. They talked as if they had been friends for ages. I observed them quietly not because I had nothing to say, but because I thought that it was incredible how strangers react together like different elements in a chemical equation. Some elements might not click right away, some others do not click at all, and others need a stimulus or a catalyst to make some action.

Friends, it was great seeing you. It was such an amazing day. However, I missed the company of my dearest friend- she knows herself very well.

Step Up

It's been a long while since I started evaluating my current steps, my past steps and my steps to be. Finally, I have decided to step up. I have made up my mind about focusing on my career, my spiritual life, and my social life.

I have agreed with one of my friends on forgetting about the past. By the past, I mean the hectic, tense and highly emotional past that had the most negative effects on my life.

That's when I have decided that I should only focus on my points of strength. I wanna get inspired by great people of all times.

I took action and did something that has proved to be of a great value till now. I have decided to read about success stories of great people. In the past, I have read about Oprah Winfrey, Donald Trump and many others. However, I have decided that I should do this on a much wider scale.

Whenever you see me, you will find me wearing my headphones. Of course, I am not listening to jazz tracks as I used to, but I'm listening to success stories. You can find them very easily online. I look for biographies on youtube. Believe me, you will find hidden treasures. I have listened to Edith Piaf's and Meryl Streep's biographies. It's working out for me till now. However, I will avoid listening to stories that end tragically as in Edith Piaf's case. I want something to inspire me, lift me up and help me see the right track.

It's amazing when you know about how those great figures got over some of the most traumatic experiences in their lives. By knowing this, I have come to realize that no matter how big my problems appear to me right now, they will fade away and they will appear so trivial when I step up and act wisely.

Anything is possible. Even my big dreams, that seem impossible to come true, can be achieved sooner or later only if I make up my mind and be decisive about them.

As Edith Piaf sings,"Je ne regrette rien", I will never regret anything that I have done, only because I did it when I believed that it was the right thing to do. So, I will never regret anything. I will focus on my life no matter what happens, no matter people tell me trying to put me down. This is because it is only me who can pull myself together. It is only me who knows the real me.

Bottom line........"Step Up"

My Alexandria...When Passion Meets Beauty

I have always considered myself lucky to be an Alexandrian. Seriously, what a bliss! I can't imagine living anywhere but my beloved Alexandria.

What is truly enchanting about Alexandria is its charming mood, sentimentality and unique people. It's like nowhere else. It's nothing like Cairo. Of course, Cairo is a great place to live in, only if you are a big fan of non stop noises, crowded streets and rude people.

For me, Alexandria is heaven in its truest sense. By my Alexandria, I don't mean the fancy mega malls, nor the posh cafes and restaurants. However, I mean old authentic Alexandria. I mean forgotten places, like Raml Station with its wide sidewalks, ancient European-style buildings and great unknown cafes. Only there, I feel nostalgic to an age that I have only heard of. Only then, I feel nostalgic to people whom I only saw in movies and read about in books.

That is when I have made up my mind about discovering old Alexandria myself. I will walk in every street and alley. I will look for funky bohemian stores. I will enter restaurants, cafes and bars. I will listen to great Spanish and Italian music played in such places, have a deep breath and dream. I will talk to all kinds of people, listen to their experiences, and learn from them. I will ask them about their Alexandria, how they see it and how they saw it in the sweet past.

Every time I tell any of my friends about this, they get very excited about joining me. Then we do nothing about it. But this time, I'm determined. I have made up my mind. Alexandria is glowing like a real diamond that I'm afraid that I might lose.

Selfless Dreams

Yesterday I went out with my best friend. We didn't have an exact place in our minds for our destination. We always go with the flow and follow our hearts right away.

We agreed on going to the mall, and we also agreed that we would never buy anything. This is because we were on the verge of being broke. We know each other very well. Each of us knows that the other cannot hold back when seeing a cute pair of shoes, or a must read book.

However, we reached a good agreement. She wanted to get a gift for her friend's son. On the other hand, I wanted to buy a book. To cut a long story short, I got two books and she got a gift for double the price she had in mind.

It's been a while since I was last obsessed with the idea of finding true love. I don't know the exact reason behind this, but it works out for me so far. However, yesterday I have discovered a new obsession. I wanna have a baby. How so? I have no idea. The thing is when my friend started her search for the perfect gift for her fiend's son, I have remembered my innocent childhood. I remembered when I used to be dazzled every time I passed by a toys shop. I remembered how I used to urge any of my parents to get me any toy.

When I look back right now, it all seems like a sweet dream that I wish it never ended. Now, everything seems whimsical and magical like a fairy tale. That's when I have come to the conclusion that I want to have children of my own. My friend became very concerned about my future children. She said that they will have a crazy bohemian lifestyle just like me.

Well, I have to agree with her. Their life must be like a breathtaking dream that they will remember for the rest of their lives exactly like how I remember mine.

Welcome

Dear All,

Thank you for visiting my new blog. Here, as the title "Talks From the Heart" entails, I am going to share some of my funny, lovely, adventurous experiences. I can consider myself a very lucky person to have amazing friends and family members with whom I spend marvelous times.

Stay tuned for the upcoming stories,

Love,
Noha