About Me

My photo
"J'ecris pour me decouvrir."- a French writer

Sunday, October 14, 2012

أحيه!

امبارح حد كان بيحكيلي عن تجربة عاطفية مر بيها، مش عارفة ايه خلاه يحكيلي بس ما علينا! بعد ما سمعت الحكاية مقدرتش أبطل ضحك وبكل تلقائية لقتني عمالة أضحك قدامه لحد ما الولد اتحرج تقريباً....

يمكن ضميري أنبني بعد كدة لما ضحكت وكسفته بس الموضوع بيفكرني بنفسي أيام المراهقة اللي مكانتش من بعيد قوي :D المهم قولت له رأيي كالعادة بكل صراحة.... ومتأكدة من إني وجعته بكلامي بس أعمل ايه مش قصدي :) بس ساعات تحب الناس يفوقوا من أوهام عايشين ومعذبين نفسهم بيها.

المهم وبعيد عن الضحك الهستيري بتاع امبارح، قعدت افكر كدة بهدوء وقلت "أحيييه" 

هي الناس في مصر وصلت للمرحلة دي إزاي؟ مش بس طايشين وتلاقي علاقات بتبتدي في 5 دقايق وتخلص في دقيقة واتنين كانوا ولهانين وفجأة بيلعنوا في بعض.... لأ الرجالة بقوا Cool قوي.... والبنات بقوا Much Cooler

يا دي النيلة... مش هعرف أكمل النوت المعفرتة عشان لو صديقي اياه قراها حيزعل قوي

هما كلمتين كانوا خانقني وكنت عايزة أقولهم!


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Me in 40!

Just had this crazy thought about how I will look like when I reach the big 40! I don't know whether I will make it to that age or not, but the idea is just too juicy for me. That's 16 years from now. Wow! That's a long time to go, right? Many things seem uncertain these days; my job, my friendships, my relationships.... Hmm, I won't let this disappoint me.

Here are two scenarios:

First: I will grow older with a nice husband with gorgeous children and my career won't be so prosperous, but I will be happy or so I'd like to believe. I will travel all around the world with him, meet new people, try new stuff and take infinite number of photos. I will tell my kids about their mom used to be and allow them to as many exotic experiences as possible.

Second: I will grow older on my own and will keep on my activities and trials to create a business on my own. Who knows? I might become a top notch entrepreneur-ess after all. I guess I will be a bit frustrated that I ended up without a family of my own, but by then I will try looking for the bright side.

Two distinct scenarios and I refuse to think of other stories!

Hmm, I know for sure that when I'm 40 and re read that post, millions of things that have not crossed my mind right now will happen and shake my world and alter my fragile scenarios. 16 years ago, I lived in a total different place, had different old friends whom I hardly remember, had a baby crush on my hunky teenage neighbor and was surrounded by so many people whom I truly miss.

Now, I'm 24. Let's see what I have become to. I have dozens of "friends" but can only trust a few, surrounded by a handful of people for whom I pray everyday asking God not to make them leave, have a somewhat good job, go to the best places in town yet always feel that something or someone is missing....etc.

If you had asked that little 8- year old girl about how she would be when she is 24? She would have had a completely different scenario.

We only tend to write our own scenarios, but God has always some better plans for us.

If I want to be certain about anything, I would hope that I keep on dancing my way through life, have the guts to say what I think and believe in, keep on searching for happiness and success for when we reach them, we don't realize that we actually did, have that big loud laugh of mine and have the power to run away whenever I feel that I need to.

:)

Monday, October 8, 2012

For what you've become....

Today, I was about to lose one of my oldest and best friends. She was standing there as agonized as ever, till she could not take it anymore and fell down. I could sense that death angel, that little bastard sneaking around and I could not move a limb. Was I getting too familiar with the scene? Have I become so used to the idea of having people leave in a blink of an eye? That all went through my God damned little mind after watching her slowly fading away.

I kept on reciting few Quranic verses trying to calm her down, or was I preparing her to meet her fate? It's hard to tell. I guess it was a deja vu after all. Luckily, God has granted me some of his mercy that night. She slowly came back to her senses and regained her consciousness. "That was close, Noha" I thought to myself and rushed into my room after storming the huge door. Once again, God was too merciful with me, the glass in the door did not break into pieces as I expected quickly. I opened my laptop, pretended that nothing happened, tried to check out my FB, Twitter, email and all that tech shit, put on my headphones, turned on the music.... turned it higher and higher, what was I trying to avoid?- I had no freaking idea. Some friend found me online and started talking. Being in that shitty situation, it was too hard for me to handle anything, I just stared at the screen, said nothing and burst into tears.

That's when I realized something has died inside of me..............